“Once Upon a Time” just keeps on giving me fuel for my sarcastic fire. And they’re driving home a theme they’ve gone over about 15 bajillion times: families are hard but if you work through your problems everything will be ok. Maybe let’s do something else. Anyway, here we go:
Elsa is freaking out about not hearing from Anna. She wants to go find Anna, but Kristoff tells Elsa that Hans and his brothers are threatening to invade Arendale, and if she leaves she puts her reign in jeopardy.
Kristoff, despite Elsa’s wishes, goes to scope out Hans and his brother’s army. He overhears them mention an urn that will trap someone with Elsa’s powers.
So Elsa and Kristoff are off to find the urn. Once there, Hans and his brothers show up and take Kristoff hostage threatening to kill him. First off, Kristoff literally could have run forward and been out of harms way. Second, ELSA HAS FREAKING FREEZING POWERS AND SHE CAN FREEZE PEOPLE OR CREATE WEAPONS OUT OF THIN AIR. WHY IS EVERYONE SO STUPID?! Anyway, the urn is turned over and a liquidy blob floats out of the urn. It’s Queen Dairy. (We still don’t know the Ice Queen’s name so I’m calling her this because she owns an ice cream shop and I think it’s funny even if no one else does.) Queen Dairy freezes Hans, and his brothers run away in fear.
Back at Elsa’s castle, Queen Dairy tells Elsa that she is her aunt. Like Elsa, Queen Dairy had freezing powers and was blonde, whereas Queen Dairy’s sister (Elsa and Anna’s mother) was a redhead with no powers (sorta like Anna). Queen Dairy explains to Elsa that she and Elsa’s mother were close but something came between them. My guess: Queen Dairy showed her true nature of being a horrible person and Elsa’s mother put her in the urn. And now in Storybrooke, Queen Dairy is there to reek havoc in some kind of messed up and nonsensical revenge plan.
Robin Hood, Marian, and their son stop in the ice cream shop. Queen Dairy puts some kind of spell on Marian’s ice cream sprinkles. At Snow White’s first town hall meeting, the townspeople decide to complain about all the things that Snow has absolutely no control over. To make matters worse, Marian falls under a freezing spell from the sprinkles. And of course everyone freaks the eff out and immediately assumes Elsa caused Marian harm. So much for not overreacting to a situation. So they set out to stop her. Sure, it makes sense that you’ll be able to stop someone who can freeze you.
Meanwhile, Emma, Hook, and Elsa are off to see Rumpelstiltskin and Belle to see if Rumpel knew that Elsa was hanging out inside the urn. When he denies any knowledge, Belle picks up the dagger and demands that Rumpel tell the truth. He once again denies any knowledge, but Hook knows better than to believe Rumpel would give anyone power over himself.
Regina reveals her plan to Henry to have her story rewritten, and Henry thinks it’s a great idea! Oh good, I’m sure this won’t have any negative repercussions. As they’re coming up with the Operation Mongoose, Robin comes in and asks for Regina’s help to save Marian. She rushes to help, but she’s not sure she can come up with a solution. Elsa and Emma arrive, and Elsa suggests true love’s kiss. Robin goes to kiss Marian and SHOCKER! it doesn’t work. Obviously Robin loves Regina now so he can’t break the spell with a kiss. So the group goes to get Marian’s son to let him try. Just kidding. They assume that the spell is too strong, and so Emma and Charming are off to find who may have cast the spell on Marian, while Hook is tasked with taking Elsa to the Sheriff’s office to protect her from the idiot townspeople.
Emma and Charming are in the woods when they come across Robin and Marian’s camp. There they find a former Merry Man. After a brief chase, he informs Emma and Charming that during the blackout all of the ice cream in Queen Dairy’s shop was still frozen. Curious. Very curious. So they’re off to the ice cream shop where Emma and David discover that Queen Dairy does in fact have similar powers to Elsa. So now, they’re off to find her.
Hook and Elsa go to see Rumpel. Hook tells Rumpel he knows that Belle has a fake dagger because Rumpel would never let anyone have power over him. Hook is able to use this information to get Rumpel’s help. He takes some of Marian’s hair and turns it into the original magic which Hook and Elsa can follow to its source AKA Queen Dairy.
Hook and Elsa follow the magic to the woods where Queen Dairy is worshipping some kind of ice castle. Hook calls Emma to let her know they’ve found Queen Dairy. When Hook and Elsa go to escape, Queen Dairy freezes Hook in place with icicles hanging over his head. She and Elsa then have a little chat, where Queen Dairy tells Elsa that she hurt Marian to show Elsa that people turn against those with their powers and abilities. Yup, so some stupid, twisted, nonsensical revenge plan is right. Great.
Emma shows up and calls her the Ice Queen “Dairy Queen.” I swear I didn’t know that was going to happen. Anyway, when Emma shows up, Queen Dairy seems to recognize Emma, but when Emma questions her, Queen Dairy pleads ignorance. Emma, suddenly in 100% control of her magic, frees Hook. In the chaos of saving Hook and David from the falling icicles, Queen Dairy peaces out.
The fact that Queen Dairy seemed to know Emma really bothers Emma. Charming assures Emma that they’ll figure it out. Elsa and Emma have a quick chat in which Elsa reveals that she doesn’t believe Anna would put her in an urn. Well at least we can be thankful for that.
Back at the mayor’s office, Regina realizes there may be something she can do to save Marian. The spell hasn’t yet reached her heart, so she sends Henry to get a box to put Marian’s heart in. While they’re waiting for his return, Robin confesses to Regina that he loves her but he has to try to work things out with Marian since they’re married. When Henry returns with the box, Regina rips out Marian’s heart in order to keep the spell from reaching it and killing her for good.
Later that night, Hook tries to talk to Emma about her trusting him. Emma says she does trust Hook, but the reason she pulls away is because every man she’s dated has died and on some level, she thinks its her fault. Hook assures her that he’s good at surviving and they kiss. Thank goodness. Now can we stop the whole will they/won’t they thing and move on. I like Hook and Emma together, but there are way more exciting things to the show.
Queen Dairy is taking a walk through the woods that night when she comes across Rumpel. Clearly they know one another. She assures him that things will go her way. He asks if Emma recognized Queen Dairy, and tells her it could happen at any moment. He offers his help, but Queen Dairy says she’ll come to him whenever she’s ready to make a deal.
Normally I can figure out “Once Upon a Time” pretty easily, but I must say, I’m completely stumped at the relationship between Queen Dairy and Emma. Though everyone is acting pretty stupidly (per usual), I am intrigued to see the connection between Queen Dairy and Emma.